Cage Madness

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Cage Madness

on February 23, 2021

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Kids, you need more Nic Cage in your life!

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The greatest final movie lines of all time. Number seven will amaze you! (is that click-baity enough?)

Movie dialogue can be revelatory. It can be weird and otherworldly. It can be funny, or hyper-realistic. It can be downright bad. When dialogue works, it makes the entire movie work. nice. And sometimes a single line can upend the entire way we feel about the movie. In fact, some movies are nearly dominated by their final line. For your enjoyment, as far as This Couch Thing is concerned, these are the greatest final lines of movies of all time. 10. “Alright, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." - Sunset Boulevard 9. "Now, where was I?" -Memento 8. “It’s a shame she won’t live. Then again, who does?” – Bladerunner 7. “I’m Finished” - There Will Be Blood 6. “It’s a strange world, isn’t it?” - Blue Velvet 5. "Ernest Hemingway once wrote, 'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part” - Se7en 4. "I can't imagine why." - Jaws 3. "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." - Chinatown

A non-fan of sports tells you which sports movies are actually good.

I am not a sports fan. To clarify, I hate sports. Football has rules clearly written by a very drunk psychopath. Baseball is the most boring activity humans perform. Basketball is hard to follow and why can’t I just carry the ball, George? Why the heck should I bounce the dumb thing all the time? No one ever scores in soccer. Hockey is some weird Canadian shit. I don’t like sports. I like movies. Knowing this, my friends who are sports fans often recommend sports movies to me. Mostly they suck. Examples: Rudy is a very, very dumb movie with no stakes that anyone should care about. Hoosiers is a dumb, weirdly racist, boring movie. Moneyball is about math. Math isn’t a sport. Field of Dreams is just boring. Jerry macguire is about business, not sports. Plus the acting is ridiculous. Plus it’s boring. So now I, a person who hates sports, will tell you (possibly a sports fan who likes Rudy, I don’t know) which sports movies are actually the best. The

Bubba! Bubba! Ho-Tep.

Elvis traded places with an Elvis impersonator and now lives a quiet life in an East Texas nursing home surrounded by decrepit old folks. He worries about life and the meaning of it all and about that growth on his penis which may be cancer. Elvis (Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead Fame) meets up with JFK (Ossie Davis). Kennedy, it seems, had his death faked. He was then dyed black and dumped in this rest home under another name. Bubba Hotep is the story of these two old men, and their lives in what is, for all intents and purposes, Hell. It is about there attempts to regain some of their youth, vitality and zest for life. It scrapes around the edges of being a film about aging, and about how we abuse and forget our progenitors. Then, just when you think this movie is one thing, the mummy shows up. Bubba Hotep is an Egyptian mummy that was stolen, then washed into a creek near the nursing home where JFK and The King reside. He has come to suck old people’s souls out through their rectums.

Let's sit here by the fire and discuss The Mandalorian

Before we get started, this is the mandatory warning that everything below is filled with spoilers. If you have not yet seen the first two episodes of The Mandalorian , then stop reading now. You've been warned. The Mandalorian is basically a western. It opens with a scene that would fit in any Sergio Leone film. Inside a rather dank looking saloon, obvious baddies are harassing a meek fellow, and threatening violence. The doors open and the hero of the piece saunters in. The Mandalorian is a silent, lanky presence. He brings to mind a young Charles Bronson or Clint Eastwood. Within moments he has killed the bullies, and revealed himself as a bounty hunter. The twist in the scene is that he is here to capture the milquetoast man that he just saved. We follow our now obviously more antihero than hero as he goes to get paid and seek out another job. He is led to Werner Herzog, who adds gravitas to a character that we would expect (this being Star Wars, after all) to b

let's improve on the Oscars

I largely gave up on the idea that the Oscars were some realistic measure of quality in film (mostly talking about the Best Picture award here, but your mileage may vary with all of the awards) around the time I learned that How Green Was My Valley bested Citizen Kane for the best picture award back at the dawn of time. Everyone still takes these awards seriously, but why? I mean, how many Best Picture Oscars does Mad Max: Fury Road have? Zero. It has zero despite being not just the best film of the year it came out, but the best film of the decade as well. The Academy has released the nominees for this years awards, and there is a lot to be worried about. The list of Best Picture nominees isn't offensive. It's just odd. Here it is: Ford V. Ferrari The Irishman Jojo Rabbit Joker Little Women Marriage Story 1917 Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood Parasite Ford V. Ferrari doesn't belong on this list at all. It's mid-range suburban dad en

The greatest final movie lines of all time. Number seven will amaze you! (is that click-baity enough?)

Movie dialogue can be revelatory. It can be weird and otherworldly. It can be funny, or hyper-realistic. It can be downright bad. When dialogue works, it makes the entire movie work. nice. And sometimes a single line can upend the entire way we feel about the movie. In fact, some movies are nearly dominated by their final line. For your enjoyment, as far as This Couch Thing is concerned, these are the greatest final lines of movies of all time. 10. “Alright, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." - Sunset Boulevard 9. "Now, where was I?" -Memento 8. “It’s a shame she won’t live. Then again, who does?” – Bladerunner 7. “I’m Finished” - There Will Be Blood 6. “It’s a strange world, isn’t it?” - Blue Velvet 5. "Ernest Hemingway once wrote, 'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part” - Se7en 4. "I can't imagine why." - Jaws 3. "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." - Chinatown

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