St. Elmo's Fire Feelings

St. Elmo's Fire Feelings

By Lisa Marie Nohner

1. Alec is an amazing piece of shit and I live for his yuppie Republican fuckery

2. Extra appreciate Billy's sax game always but especially on Halloween 

3. Listen my bitch Mare Winningham is an angel, I hate her storyline and also that Billy did not wife her but I    also love how truthful it is for Billy to fuck her and disappear to New York to complete his criminal resume

4. The scene where Billy tries to get a job at the college is so real in its pathetic tragedy

5. Holy balls everything Kirby does is in this movie is fully realized idealistic bullshit; how did Kirby get to kiss Andi MacDowell OH BECAUSE HE MADE HER; fuck you Kirby your idealism is a PROBLEM

 6. The hooker is the most poignant character and has the most wisdom

 7. We all thought Kevin had the most wisdom until he fucked Leslie and turned into a stage 5 CLINGER. Kevin's heady intellectual conversation starters about Russia and his witty quips plus his white knighting for Leslie had him as a main contender for the most fuckable dude of this movie's main audience and then we learned Kevin idealized Leslie and inadvertently objectified her

8. Cocaine hotel party; Demi's plot is P O E T I C--- the movie thinks Demi's absolutely REAL psychological trauma and addiction and mental illness is COMPARABLE, nay SYMBOLIC of everyone else's bullshit idealist fantasies. St. ELMOS FIRE IS NOT WHAT DEMI IS EXPERIENCING; SHE IS EXPERIENCING A PSYCHOTIC BREAK. The movie is a misogynist asshole for letting Billy moralize on her in the final 10 minutes; her problem is massively bigger than everyone else's shitty Bret Easton Ellis level surface obsessions. Everyone else's surface obsessions can be explained by youth while Demi's can only be explained by mental fucking illness. Also Billy sexually assaulted her, what douche gives him the titchler line of the film?

Finally Leslie is the only person in this entire movie with her shit together and the movie definitely did her dirty by making her role in the Love triangle her major arch. However stiffing both dudes in favor of herself and her career was C O R R E C T and a great message and Leslie wins the Murphy Brown award 

Also one of my favorite parts is when Alec screams "No Springsteen is leaving this house." Followed by "WASTED LOVE! God i just wish i could get her back"

This movie would have been great if it didn't think:

-Mare Winningham's character should feel fulfilled after losing her 23 year old virginity to the man she's bailed out of jail a hundred times

- Kirby deserved to kiss Andie Macdowell

- Leslie would be best used as the catalyst for Kevin and Alecs battle for phallic mastery

-Demi Moore's character is "just a drama queen"

-Billy has any wisdom

-writers like Kevin are actually serial killers

Lisa Marie Nohner was raised by a pack of screaming TVs. She is an instructor at LSU where she teaches movies about shower girls and bleeding prom queens. She writes poetry about crystal lakes and short stories about dead bodies. Her work can be found in Shit's Fucked, Psychopomp, and crumpled under your bed. So is she. Don't turn on the light.


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