Notes taken while watching Silent Hill: Revelation

Is that the lady from the first movie? Maybe? No. I don't think it is.

What's she running from?

She's running to a creepy ass carnival.

From dudes is executioner hoods..

Dead fish for some reason.

Creepy bunny.

Triangle head guy is back. This imagery is reminiscent of The Cell which is, frankly,  underrated.

Hellraiser carousel- oh my.

The harbinger has given a warning.  Ten bucks says that this is a dream.


Terrible CGI fire. Just really cartoonish.  They blew the budget on hoods and dead goldfish , I guess.

Yup. It was a dream.

Is that Sean Bean?

Holy fuck! It is Sean Bean! And he's dead. And that was a dream too. Buckle in kids, we're in Inception territory. Two levels deep.

Pop Tart scare.

At least Sean Bean is alive now.

There seems to be confusion about names. Sean is her dad.

They're on the run. In hiding? I wonder why.

He found her secret notebook .

Is she the kid from the first movie? Oh hey, she is. And Bean is talking to ghost mom. It's very dumb, honestly. Ghost mom is explaining everything.  It's exposition,  it has to go somewhere.

Is this a flashback or a dream? I am lost. It's kinda late friends. I am listless and maybe a little hungry. Sean Bean dies in a lot of movies.

Creepy homeless guy.

Creepier hat guy.

High school mean girls are boring . And a bad excuse for more exposition.  And her monologue is supposed to develop her character but it's just cliche and dumb.

Kit Harrington goes to her school.  This is a Game of Thrones dry run. I wonder if he is as useless in this as he was in GoT.

Oh! She's in Silent Hill the video game maybe. Creepy lights and armless armless seizure guy and clanky sound effects.

The acting is really terrible.  Almost as bad as the writing.

Foreboding door knob rattling!

This birthday party has serious Nightmare on Elm Street vibes.

Clowns are creepy.

The gore is trying for something .

This movie is supposed to be about a creepy haunted town that exists in two realms . When the fuck do we get there?

Oh jeebus
 There's a secret society and they hired a private investigator.  This isn't ridiculous at all

Adelaide Clemmons is a terrible actor. Just unforgivably bad.

This film doesn't understand building tension.

I. Am. Bored.

Jesus John Snow, my crazy uncle drools a lot is a hell of a pick up line.

Hey writer of this movie: it's bad form to have a character describe their character traits. It's fucking egregious to have them describe their character traits three goddamn times. Show, don't tell dude. If you gotta tell, don't tell three times. I've seen better writing in the owner's manual for an electric toothbrush.

The music thinks that this is all very exciting

Flashback  To exposition about "THE ORDER ". Did Dan Brown write this?

We still aren't at the eponymous town.

Secret Indian burial ground, secret society , doomsday cult, mine fires, Demon child, ghosts.  This movie has it all.

John Snow wants to go to motel . He's gonna make his move.

Okay, John Snow has known this girl for 8 minutes and he fully believes her baldly insane story about cults, demons,  et al without any evidence.  I bet there's a reason.

He's from Silent fucking Hill. The Order sent him. I cannot explain exactly how offended I am by this. How stupid does this movie think I am?

More dull and unbearably stupid exposition.

Melting walls look good.

John Snow is dead now. That's nice.

We still have not gotten to the town.

Wait. Wait

Finally. Half way through this unending movie we finally arrive at the namesake town. It looks creepy. Lots of ash. Very dreary.  Distant screams.

And they wreck it with another massive exposition dump.

Like this entire movie is people telling you what is going on.  I wish they would shut up.

Imma get a snack.